Metro (The Kolkata Subway) - Then and Now

Reposted from here : http://qr.ae/GcmH9

Life in a Metro (I know the Question was something different in Quora but when you say Metro to a Bengali - I assume you are talking about the Subway :) - Hence, suffer my answer

Kolkata doesn't move or change a lot. So, have one experience in today's Metro - run backwards - add a few political events and you have the history reconstructed. There are AC Metros today and the whole new stretch is not underground. This is because Didi happened, Kolkata became more crowded and funds are scarce.

Now, imagine the Metro in 1900s - Metro Life used to alternate between a sudden flash of neon lights amidst the dark underground. There traveled the Bhadralok alongside others of his kind - skin to skin, sweat to sweat; beaming with pride of travelling in the 8th wonder of the world - The Underground Metro Station. "What India will do tomorrow, we do today !".

There weren't any smart cards and the new tokens to start with - so, it was a good old ticket. But some of those weight machines used to work. Folks would still make queues to get the tickets but not to get on to the train. Getting inside the train has always been a mad rush, an exceptional excitement and experience that underlines the high point in the daily life of a Bob Like Bengali.

Once, inside Alokda used to debate in a high pitch with other Alokda as to why Gates in Park Street opening towards "LEFT" has political ramifications instead of any operational requirement. Somewhere, around the start of new Millenium and after 6 years of everyday Metro Ride, Alokda stopped caring about the Park Street LEFT alignment and his eyes would go "GREEN" when it would hit "Kalighat" Metro.

Irrespective of your Political inclination or Paan-Chewing Rules, Stations were treated like a Holy place - they would keep it clean unlike the rest of Kolkata. Women were still treated with respect and men used to let go off their seats - if a lady is there standing. Unlike rest of India - there was no lustful intention involved. The action is due to the fear that commands a Bengali Man - A woman whether in the form of Wife, Mother or even the Goddess; all make him S#$t in his pants.

Cafe Coffee Day is a modern day phenomenon and hence, you can rightly expect - there weren't as many kiosks as there are now. Couples would still flock together and you could see a lot of school kids bunking their classes and getting down near Maidan, Parkstreet and Esplanade. 

One disappointing fact is - though the numbers were less but the success rate used to be high - of Suicides/Accidents on the subway system. So, it kind of goes away from the very nature of things tending towards chaos and a Bengali's tendency to let it happen.

Read More

JAY 12:47 AM  No comment

RockMelt Thumbs Up!

 This is perfect ending to a week which started with watching the movie "The Social Network". A themed browser backed by the Netscape founder is here and is called RockMelt. I had brushed this one aside, before a friend of mine got me hooked onto it. This new browser is really Jazzy even for the net junkies not into the social networking. However, If you are into networking and shit... this is the place to be. It pimps the browsing experience.

 I am a memory conscious animal and since, I am using this 1.83 GHz HP mini, my every step in installing new programme is decided by the memory usage. I checked out the Memory consumption for RockMelt : As much as Google chrome - which in anyways is a one of the lightest in its league.

Itz available on invite only. Go to www.rockmelt.com and seek an invitation. Once, you get the invite (courtesy facebook) you can download it and then, use the facebook login again to step inside. you get to see all your friends on the sidebar. The other pillars of Social Networking (Twitter) are also available for easy navigation.

It seems an all out attack by Mark Zuckerberg on Google. If the messaging service wanted to outdo gmail, RockMelt seems a clever political alliance to drown Chrome.

I am not sure about the security and crash resistance yet - but considering its a new age browser it would be at its worst be 1000 times sturdier than the dud called Internet Explorer. You can catch on more detailed review here>> http://www.vanksen.com/blog/our-drive-by-rockmelt-review/.

That ends my first post through RockMelt.

Read More

JAY 9:52 AM  No comment

Lady Gaga Gossip: An Indian Lover reveals all

Excerpts from the June 2014 edition of Cosmopolitan 

Five years back it was dark, when

I had experienced the sparkle of the pink. 

I do remember, I did wink; 

only now, I realize - that's when I had started to sink.

It was a regular office meeting, my colleagues were giggling and passing a piece of paper while I was presenting. Though, I was at a vantage point in the room, I could only figure out that its some kinda news clip. As soon as the meeting was over, I let my curiosity go wild.I could hear myself say - this is my Jason Bourne moment. Tactfully, I had put my hand on the table while I was engaged in the conversation with my boss.I leaned towards him, as if I wanted to listen to him intently. Meanwhile, I dragged my hand on the table till it rested on the piece of paper.  I slowly slid that piece of paper in my pocket while I politely said bye to my Boss.

I rushed to the loo and took that piece of paper out. It was a news clip with a semi nude pic of my wife. There was something written in bold, "The  debate resurfaces - Lady Gaga has a wee wee!! Papparazzzzzi"
**Snap**

When Harry met Sally

Back in the beginning of 2009, I had just moved to Singapore, heading logistics division of a Media and Event Management company. A new kid on the block called Lady Gaga was on her Asia Tour. It was called The Fame Ball Tour. It was my luck, as they got stuck, and I had to dig all of them out of a sticky situation. Lady Gaga had thanked me by shaking hands and saying, "Poker Face".

**Snap**

Later, during the dinner she told me - how much she likes my science Mombo Jumbo. I flashed a freaky smile and said nothing. I knew deep inside I had blushed... and that's how the citadel was crushed. She kept all our email and text messages a secret, till she realized that having an Indian doting husband is cool. Whereas, I thought when Leonard can have Penny .. well why can't I? (learning: too much of soaps make you dull and you go big bang! cough! **). A delayed Monsters Ball tour late in 2010 meant, I had the opportunity to spend some more time with her. The air was abuzz with stories whether Lady Gaga was a hermaphrodite or not. I advised her the way out.

Generosity and charity to the third world was a PR ploy. A poor hungry brownie hanging by the side of a super Hot White Chick was cool. It could have been a kid for Angelina or Madonna and Jay for Gaga. I was blind to all. I used to think, helping her locate India in the world map, was cute. It used to give me pleasure teaching her the difference between the Red Indians and the Brown Indians. She was the reason I hooked onto twitter. I introduced her to Indian Food and Bollywood. wow!
       Once, my college juniors approached me for a performance in our annual College fest "Chaos".It fed my ego. Once disowned son was being approached by its Alma mater. Later, when it was realized that it would be very inappropriate to have a very skimpily clad celeb to dance in the land of Gandhi, the show was scrapped. Choices in my life were being decided by national political vendetta.

Photoshop had rescued me, when I had to show her pics to my parents. I told my mom, Ga - Ga (sing - sing) is an Indian pet name that I bestowed on her. I didn't realize the collective fraud that I was conspiring - was actually a  joke on me.
**Snap**

Since then, a lot of piss has gone down the drain. I am not justifying her faith on me. Earlier, every sight of hers used to fill me with Joy. Now, I am not that amused with all her pics, spread all over walls at home.I don't get up in the night to pee for her larger than life pic on the wall scares me. 

Back then, whatever she said was music to ears. I easily traveled the arduous path of Rock to POP. Now, at times she comes up with strange conversations. I could only guess that, it must be cool to the outside world but I don't really help much to propel the conversation for long. One day said that she was to attend the stage with Madonna at an awards night, and whether smooching a women on stage beyond her menopause would still be Sexy or not? I looked at her with startled eyes. I shouted at her, "Just the other day I had the opportunity to make out with my secretary and I didn't, sighting her moral obligation. Goodness gracious me! y didn't I do that?" She said, "yeah! right!". Things are not the same. It's different.

I am bound by contract with Cosmopolitan, from spilling more beans here. Please, Buy COSMOPOLITAN June 2014 to read more.

Read More

JAY 10:29 AM  No comment

Mannu Bhai Motor Chali pom pom.

We had driven hardly for about 15 min., yet it seemed an endlessly painful rock ride. Heavy vehicles would come from the front, flash their lights and we would have a complete blackout. Sitting on the pillion I would wonder how Mannu was able to guide our way into the darkness. Soon, Mannu interrupted my thoughts.

"Can u see anything".
"No"
"Me too'.

I smiled. "Then slow down the bike".

"Ok"

His left feet flicked on the gear peddle and the bike slowed down.

"Arre its too slowwww.." Couldn't complete it. Damn bump dram hump pump. I only had an idea something was going wrong. The front wheel wasn't on the road anymore. Seemed we were sliding down a pit. Suddenly, the body mass of existence flew in air. The laptop that was till now sitting pretty on my back, was suddenly over my head pulling me along.

My palm touched the ground 1st and the cell fone slammed on the flat hard road. (Sehwag's mom had advised to keep the cellphone mutthi mein - not my fault) I wasn't resisting any of these nature's call. I just let it go and with a sommersault I was 6 fts away from the bike. The Laptop was still hanging around though.

Pat - Jay gets up. Pat - he would assess this not the sets of MI2. Pat - Jay thinks he had a friend called Mannu with him.

My wandering eyes fixed on to mannu who was getting up. I started enquiring if everything is alright. He said "Yes, seems so. Look at my face it seems I am hurt around the forehead"

I looked at him, I could see his skull. His forehead had hit a stone and it had split the forehead open with a big cut. I said "nah, its cool. Lets try to get the bike on the road and move on."

Some bystanders helped me to get the bike back on track. I asked them If I could get a medic help somewhere and moved along. They guided us to a nearby engineering College. I enquired Mannu if you wanna go the college hospital and he refused. He was stiched in a small clinic near the college.

They all asked if we were students of the college. I said "oh umm we were, three years back. Now, Mannu teaches there and I have come to meet professors afer a long time".

The whole episode was no less exciting than experiencing . The only regret remained - "the flashlights and cameras around to capture the "somersault" or pretty chicks watching me do the act :(.

Read More

JAY 1:12 AM  1 comment

BO-MAN: Our Friendly Neighbourhood

Recently, I found this wonderful conversation between two of the most wittiest personalities around. May be this exaggerated appreciation is there, because I am fond of Boman Irani and his acting skills.

Cyrus: That’s also how you met Shiamak Davar

Boman: Shiamak is a wonderful, wonderful guy. He had come to my studio. I was taking pictures of him, trying to entertain him with my jokes to put him at ease because he kept saying he was ugly. He came back the next day and said, R 16;You know Boman, you should be on stage.’ He asked me to audition for a small part in Alyque Padamsee’s play “Roshni”… Alyque initially had rejected my audition. Shiamak insisted that he would not choreograph the show if I was not in it and I did the show, I did one song in it.
Cyrus: No offence to Alyque, the play was…
Boman: Go ahead and offend Alyque. It’s okay.
Cyrus: Yes, the play was really bad. And the only good part about the play was the pimp… you.
Boman: Parsi mothers are always very proud of their children. After the show, my mother asked around, ‘Did you like my son?’ They didn’t know who her son was. So she said, ‘The pimp is my son.’ Someone ask ed her if she wanted a lift, and she said, ‘My son will drop me.’ ‘Who will drop you,’ they asked from the other end of the lobby and she went, ‘My son… the… the pimp will drop me. Don’t bother.’
Cyrus: (laughs)
Boman: You’re making fun of my mom by laughing. But yes, growing up in a Parsi family, I’m used to Parsi moms. Every time the dhobi comes, she would go, ‘Tum idhar tehro. Main kapda nikaal ke aati hoon’ (You wai t here. I will remove the clothes and come).
Cyrus: (laughs)
Boman: You are laughing at my mom again. I’m offended. (mockingly)
Cyrus: Tell me about the classic romance. Your wife used to buy only 100gm of chips from your shop everyday.
Boman: Dumb me, I would not understand why she would buy 100gm everyday when she could buy in bulk. And then, it struck me that maybe…
Cyrus: Her version is that you were the one who gave her 100 gm everyday saying that you were not allowed to give more. But we’ll stick to yours.

Read More

JAY 12:51 AM  No comment

My Ricky Babloa as Dayal Baba

He is having a jaw of iron, a will of steel, and a heart of gold. He is called Ricky Babloa. He is my neighbor. The legend says there used to be a Sylvester Stallone fictional character in some hollywood series. Ricky's dad was a die hard fan of the movie. He would throng the local theater every month to have a glimpse of his favorite character. "baba wo maar waala picture aaya kya? baba lo.. jaa maar dey!!" [friend are they showing that action packed movie.... oh my!! he shows such stunts..]

The awe which had gripped him was palpable to the life forms which surrounded him. No wonder when a son was born to his passive wife .. he decided to name him after his GOD.

RICKY BABLOA.

this was as close as he cud get to Ricky Balboa. Now, Ricky Babloa is a grown up young man and his physique would put his nameshake to shame. He is a towering 5 feet and is heavier than thy (prolly 45kgs). Whenever, I am back home he comes to visit me. We share a lot of information amongst each other. Now a days he is busy imitating some Bangladeshi folksinger. He painted his face and performed exactly like it was done by the originally artist. Later, I found it in youtube too. The Dayal Baba phenomenon.In deep roots of India people get more joy out of a Dayal Baba from Bangladesh than a Younis Khan (the nobel peace prize winner), Taslima (lajja etc etc) or Monica Ali(a booker prize winner for Brick Lane).
When it was my turn to share something with him. I couldn't resist but to tell him everything he always wanted to know about sex, and also, to rekindle his dad's movie mania we sat together to watch Woody Allen's first blockbuster. Ricky Babloa almost died of a laugh riot when the 2nd story in the movie started. It went on like this :

An Old Armenian guy visits a doctor. Doctor asks, " what is your problem?"
"Doctor, I am in love with a sheep". "A what..!!" "A sheep".

Doc is in shock he is just unable to utter any word. After a while he musters all his energy and patiently says," umm I see".

The Armenian guy, "U see doctor, in the heights of those Armenian Mountains. No body is out there. At times it gets lonely and I am not married. That night I was feeling so low and there she was .. so beautiful .. so serene.. soothing me.."

The doc," the sheep!!" ...." Yes, The Sheep" and the Arenian Continued,"I cudn't resist myself doctor.. I made love to her and it was the best sex I ever Had".

The Doc,"ok. So what is the problem?"
"You see Doc.. now, she no longer loves me.. I Can feel it .. It hurts. She no longer wants me, after so many nights together... It breaks my heart.. You have to do something about it doctor. My brother says you are Great. You treated him. I know no one else. you have to do it." And he rushes to bring the sheep in the clinic. Doc kept yelling behind his back... "stop, don't do that.. I am not a veterinarian."

But the sheep is brought in and doctor checks it and falls in love with the sheep.
Later, the doc's wife divorces him for adultery.

As soon as this story was over Ricky Babloa got up and said that he gotta get back to his home. I said that he should wait coz the movie ain't over yet. Ricky Babloa said, "My dad is alone in home, I gotta go fast".

I said, "oh! Is he sick?" He said,"No!!!.. I have 12 sheeps".

Read More

JAY 2:41 AM  No comment

To Tie a Knot.. not not.

A few years back, when a friend of mine had flippantly mentioned that the sole purpose of walking the world for such agonizingly long yrs, is to produce and leave ur heir. I had argued hard against it. However; today, I have been into circumstances that I have started more than believing in his argument. The whole world is crumbling around me.

80% of my B.Tech mates are married now. Some of them have children :O. Done and dusted..A month back we finished our post grad. and about 20% of the nerds took the plunge as soon as the agony of 2 yrs ended. Phoney, Cole, Anush, Daga.. and the list goes on. I came back home and have been resting at home.. but signs from the almighty doesnt blip for a second. For continuously two weeks, all they would flash on TV has been some Celeb Marriage. An Abhishek married an Aishwarya. An Arun Nayar married some Liz Hurley. People say this Liz. and Aish are beautiful women. I smile and shrugg my shoulders.

But, the occult wisdom of the mother earth doesn't stop revealing itself here. As I was back, I visited some of my school friends' families. All they talked about is Marriage-marriage-marriage. Being in the wrong side of 25 is an awesome torture for single males here in India. So, there is this aunt whom, I have been advising on her family matters since I was in class 8th. Her son studied with me for 8 yrs in school. Now, her son is working with an engineering corporation and people r bugging her to get her son married.. All she did was to discuss the marriage proposals with me.. " THis person has got 3 daughters and 3 sons and he owns 6 small diagnostic centres. Do u thnk he would be able to give enough (read dowry)... afterall I need all the expenses covered up...".

Court. copulate and produce.

My mailbox has started receiving excessive spams of viagra and cialis ads. When it rains it really pains :((.

I am trying to shield myself away from all such alliance tendencies but as I try to finish this post real fast... someone has just handed a marriage invitation card to me.

(I wanted to add so many things but, in a cafe, I can't concentrate and the end result is such a poor post... anyways.)

Read More

JAY 6:52 AM  3 comments

Smoke on the water

Crap on the water: This post was supposed to be titled "O Jay, Where art thou ? - part II". I realized (not so soon) that before I posted "O Jay, where art thou - part I" (last post), one of the notorious bloggers in the blogspace called Lizze had already posted with a similar title "O Michael, Where art thou". You may argue that replacing Michael with Jay makes it more spicy (puts a face biting its tongue) but it will also make me charter in troubled waters. This woman (supposedly) is becoming an American from a Londoner(prolly) and thus, the chance of her suing me for copyright violation has increased. I may do a Kaavya Vishwanathan and argue that I prolly derived the name subconsciously from a movie which goes by the name "O Brother, where art thou"; but trust me, it doesn't help. They all believe what they wanna believe (puts a sad face).

(please, increase the volume)

Smoke on the water: This wasn't supposed to be the arbitrary display that u just read in the prologue.(Lizze may just kill me for all that). It was supposed to be classical, non funny and tasteless essay.
The March heat was on. While all the students had gone back home or were holidaying, there were two guys, Lota ji and Nirmal babu still entrapped within the red walls of the college making charts, cracking data and calling important people to make the ends meet. These no non-sense guys were agribusiness management students and had declined big bucks for entrepreneurship. They were working on several projects simultaneously. This all had started when The Chief Minister of Bihar (a state), Mr. Nitish Kumar visited the campus last year. Several students presented projects to uplift the state and were willing to work there. The Minister gave a go ahead. They made a support group comprising the students. Each student would pursue his own project while the support group would provide consultancy and take a hit if one of the students fails in his venture. The ideas ranged from Rural Radio, Retail chain, Insurance plan for Rickshaw pullers, Extracting Ethanol from corn to various consultancy projects for the government. A lot of them are already on its way. Some of the national news channels splashed a one hour documentary on it. The word spread. Venture capitalists, Consultants and supporters from various parts of the country, USA and Europe started calling these people. Now, Nirmal babu says proudly "we won't need Bank Loans. Money is not a constraint. Not for me, not for you and not for any frog who wants to jump out of the well".
Energy rubs on me and I kept wondering, for the past two years where was I and what was I doing "O Jay, Where art thou".
Down South Goa. under a full moon and a clean sky, Jay was sipping wine on the beach along with his friends Medha, Danko, KG, Tiru and Jhade Singh. Jay was singing raunchy Bhojpuri songs one after the other and people were egging him on.
Medha: "abe! gaana aur suna na" (sing me a song) Jhade Sigh: " Do u remember e guddi".
Jay: " O yea, E Guddi.. arre ye Guddi!! aaa Khele chorwa sipaiyya"
"Banhiya mein dhar ke raja....(censored.)"

Jhade Singh was dancing and singing alongwith me. Jhade Singh completed his graduation last year and he himself had declined a good job offer to open "chain of spa and wellness centre" with Hukka. Last year, there were about 6 people who had decided to go on their own, this year there are 11. This year, there are several portals made by some of the students which have become huge hits. Among them "CRICSTOCK" (mixture of Cricket and stocks trading) and "10 a day" (a portal for CAT preparation)". Rights of publishing some material on cricstock was sold within months to a national news channel (NDTV.com). The deal ranged in Lakhs. Does it sound like the youtube story? My own baddie partner Paro had a plan in place for "becoming a supplier of a women's inner wear brand" (wipe off that smile), which will cater to somewhere between the high end and low end customer. Her pic was splashed in the cover page of national magazine. Imagine what kind of peer pressure it exerts on other people. Another friend dearly called Hilao, declined a Lehman Brother's offer because he wanted to indulge in real estate.
All these things don't demoralize me but make me proud. After all when a college is branded Harvard of India or the Best B-school in Asia-Pac, it has to shoulder responsibilities and produce entrepreneurs. So what, if people like Jay chose easy way out by working for some one else .

Well wait... Jay has a plan in place too . U may just hear what he is planing to do soon. So, wait and meanwhile stop wondering, y does the post has a title smoke on the water. Its cryptic.. he he he.

Read More

JAY 1:10 PM  4 comments

Sea, Sand, Sun and Skin

(Disclaimer: characters and incidents in the following act is purely incidental. Any resemblance to the movie 300 is purely incidental).

These were the few brave men who had defied destiny. They fought against slavery. They fought like there was no tomorrow.They were led by their will to enjoy the fate, they had come here to embrace.

They looked at the sun which was being gobbled by darkness. The breeze was from the west .... prolly originated in the angst of Persia. Even the sea was hitting the shores with passion and vigour. Apocalypse now. However, only thing etched in the minds of these few men up against all odds, was FREEDOM.

The King, looked at the murky sky and remembered the red walls, which had imprisoned him and almost decapitated him for two years. Then, he turned to face the fellow soldiers, who had vowed to die with him and cried with LORD'S own stereo:

"SPARTANS !!!!!! tonite.........we die in our undies"

Soon..... the warriors JAY, HAT, FUGGA, CANTO, MAXI, BOCHO, FOOZIE and Junglee NATO threw their naked bodies, wrapped only in underwears; to the sea and swam and dived and somersaulted and played and laughed and sun burnt themselves till FUGGA said, "mujhe bhookh lagi hai" (I am hungry).

We were holidaying in DIU. DIU is a small island and used to be a Portuguese colony. It has got beaches, the Portuguese church, some good Italian restaurants, sea food, booze and peace. There are too many stories from the trip. I wish I could dish them all here. People rush to this place mostly because there is a ban on liquor in my state and nearby Diu is a good excuse to let the juices flow. I was surprised to get discounts in the resort we lived in for two days. I was amused by the fact that the Identity card of my college was doing wonders 100s of kilometers away. I was with a bunch of friends who had let the peer pressure and finance jobs bypass them and accepted marketing jobs (which was only 8% of the final job scene this year in my college).



I would put anecdotes from the trip sometime later. Right now I am bugged by my itinerary. I have finally booked tickets for GOA (the poor man's CANNES). Tiru and KayGX would join, me and Danko there in GOA after attending the IRON MAIDEN CONCERT. (oh man! y did I miss it.) Maxi is joining NOKIA which has sponsored the IRON MAIDEN CONCERT and is also Sponsoring SHAKIRA's SHOW in Mumbai. Our own Tadka is looking after the two concerts as a representative of NOKIA. Tickets/ Passes wd have been available so easily :(((((. Anyways, as of now ... following schematic diagram is supposed to represent "how jay, broke sackles, toured, laid eggs, punished cockroaches and got a life" for next 20 days.

Read More

JAY 4:59 PM  4 comments

Bong Bong Bang Bang

I just finished watching this new Indian movie named "honeymoon travels ltd.". The story was weird and at times hilarious. Among all the couples shown in the movie, there was this Bong (Bengali.. ppl belonging to West Bengal in India) couple. The young bride was like a lake, holding millions of boiling desires inside with a calm presence on top. One day, she insists her husband to walk to their home at nite, instead of taking a bus. The Hubby, a typical Bengali guy,was hesitant initially but gives in to constant bugging from her better-beautiful half. And just to prove the Murphy's Law (If something can go wrong, it will), some goons surround them in a lonely road and ask to submit all the belongings. Even the chain, the woman was holding to so dearly. Even the chain!!! Even the chain!!

"Back off!!!" She shouted,"I am not giving you this. It was gifted by my parents."

"Guahahahaha" (please, imagine the echo and monstrous laugh)..."give us the chain .. u filthy.. wh@#$"

The afraid and astonished husband pleads,"Sona diye dao.. chainta diye dao" (Darling, please give them the chain)
"I am warning you, don't try to touch it." announced the woman in her increasingly war rhetoric.

With knife in the right hand, the grease painted face with a mole, grinned and lunched forward towards her.

Suddenly without warning, the catwoman of that coy Bong gal jumps in air and slams her knee on the chest of the goon. A few more of those martial art kicks and the battle was over.

The hubby looked at her with his mouth wide open and so did I. She comes to him puts her head on his shoulder and says,"Remember, momma used to send me to learn RabindraSangeet in the red building. They used to teach martial arts in the floor below. I never liked Singing."

Yup. That is the story of a rebel Bengali. Every Bengali is supposed to be surrounded in the myth of Rabindrasangeet. They are defined by their coy and disciplined behaviour. Woman with Big Red Dot on head and a stick in the hand to spank their hubby. Man, with a restricted behavior and high intellect but bound by the limits drawn by his wife and his five Gods

1. Rabindranath Tagore
2. Durga
3. Subhash Chandra Bose
4. Satyajit Ray
5. Saurav Ganguli.

U utter a word against them and they will take out ur tongue and stuff it up ur arse. I have my own Bong connections. I was reminded of it a few days back during the Holi family get-together. One grandma comes to me and says, "Beta, did u read Tagore. Rabindrasangeet is the ultimate treasure of wisdom and wealth. Have u read Gitanjali?? U didn't !!! U should see the way he defines "LOve". There is no human emotion, which isn't delineated in there. Read it and follow it. U will have success and will get a good job and u will prosper."

I nodded once. twice. thrice. and so on. Then, I looked at grandma, i looked at the roof for once and then I kept my head down. I couldn't find any Bong words to reciprocate to her. My next job would probably take me to a stint in the land of Bongs "Calcutta" ..(Blasphemy.. its Kolkata).

There are a few good things about Bengali though They have supposed to be the Hottest and most beautiful Indian women. They have Rasagolla, which is a good Bengali sweet. They can have me, if they promise to be nice and welcoming.

Lastly, a few words for the girl, who probably reads my blog a lot. Please!!!!!!!!!!!11 stop asking me: "how do u say I love u or I love someone else in Bengali "

Read More

JAY 12:58 AM  9 comments

Total economix

As I am graduating, bypassing the Gyan distribution in my very own blog would be a gross error. So, I am gonna bowl short spells of friendly biodegradable knowledge from my wallet.

Last fortnight was a whirlwind in the economy. The inflation touched a mammoth high, the annual exercise of Budget by the Finmin was tabled, the top B-Schools in the country entered the campus recruitment season and the grand old man of intestine Mr. Alan Greenspan opened his mouth again.

Talking of inflation, the reason is a palpable supply constraint. Too much money is chasing too few goods. The growing demand is exceeding the production capacities. Among other goods, Oil and petroleum is a substantial determinant of how inflation would go. India imports heavily and pays in rupees for it. Now, we do not let the Rupees to appreciate (limited floating), hence we have to pay a lot to import the oil. If Rupee appreciates against the Dollar the imports would become cheaper and the prices of oil can be brought down and hence the inflation too. Having said so its not that simple either. It spells doom for the exports and especially the software companies like Infosys; which are heavily dependent on software and services exports. Infact, it doesn't seem a good year for software companies. After enjoying a tax holiday of about 10 years they have been brought under the ambit of MAT (minimum alternative tax). No doubt the response from Bangalore was meek and gloomy. Meanwhile, the inflation is yet to be tamed.

Much ado about nothing: Alan Greenspan predicted about 33% chance of a global recession. Considering the fact that global economy was overheating after enjoying a 6th consecutive year of recovery, it seemed a correction factor. Stocks across the globe which had started tumbling two days ago .. actually made a comeback today. Greenspan's words couldn't dampen it further.

The reflection in my home: Today IIM Bangalore, one of the premier management institutes in India, saw its Day Zero placements today. It wasn't as rosy as expected in a year when the economy has prolly grown about 9.2 %. Global Investment banks unexpectedly picked up very low numbers. While, back in college, we were discussing the placements in our group, I actually joked "Its a sign of global recession". Hell !!.... Is the recession really down the corner?

Hope not... anyways the panic button has been pressed in my campus, where the campus recruitment season is just a day to go.

Those who get the news from the media would prolly never know the pressure and tension of a gloomy and uncertain future some of the students are facing because by the end of it Management institutions manage to show a big picture which has all the colors in place.

The Agar Media: Management colleges like the one from where I am graduating should actually share the blame for the misquoted statements in newspapers and newschannels. At times, in the hunt of greater glory; the students also gloss the final fugures of campus recruitment and salaries being offered. There is this funny story that figured in one of the leading business newspapers:

"Indian Institute of Management, Calcutta students have been offered salary packages of more than 1 crore (10 million)..................
.............................. In fact, the IIMs in India have come of age as these salaries are about 50% more than the salary figure offered to Harvard and Stanford Graduates".

Eventually, students in these colleges know the missing link. So, a friend of mine called IIM, Cal questioning as to wtf!!!! are these figures. They replied "you started the game".

Yup, the 1st news of more than a Crore salary came out of my campus, which was offered by a leading investment bank. Well, if someone could get the structure of the overall salary being quoted, they could see, it includes a huge chunk as the expected bonus. ...And I talk of a bloated figure .. douche!!!!!

Talking about media, there is another news article which made our jaws drop and made us giggle. Read this : http://www.centralchronicle.com/20070303/0303102.htm.

This college is also among the reputed management colleges in India. Hopefully this press release was not a work of the college officials but the work of an evil genius called press reporter. Look at the spelling mistakes committed : Macancy, Assenger business consultant, Deloty consultancy, Goldman Saches, Duche bank, City group, Alghamin Industries,etc.

(The correction should be-McKinsey, Accenture, Deloitte, Goldman Sachs, Deutsche Bank, Citi, Alghanim). Some of them are the richest banks in the world and lolz imagine if they read the news article.

Read More

JAY 1:59 PM  No comment

Main Bhi Madonna: Audioslaved

This is erratic. Suddenly, I found myself with a lot of free time. It is making me go crazy and I am doing really stupid stuff. Missing old flames... awwww. Soul searching.........bullshit. Playing....... kid!!!. and Singing.............. save me!!!.. and recorded them... why??????

The 1st song I chose to better (he he he) was "Show me how to live"............. Chris Cornell .

I Know, I can't SING. But u can pass these pieces of melody as drunken frustrations of a bereaved soul. (ouch!!! the songs were less painful than Jay's writing).

So, here u go.... this time COCHISE.

and I did that again :

Now u know when I said I am going crazy, what I meant.

Read More

JAY 1:46 PM  7 comments

Body odor and women: POTtY tales

A few days back a stupid news item featured in our NEWS NB (Notice Board). It followed a long discussion, culminating into a grand finale.

The news was about how women are attracted by body odor of men and hence the deo sales should go down. It was the byproduct of so many trivial researches that toe-nail-chewing scientists do.

"Cortisol levels in the women who smelled androstadienone, a derivative of testosterone; shot up within roughly 15 minutes and stayed elevated for up to an hour."


Androstadienone is the male chemical signal. Here.....I drop it and there u get dropped.

Apart from the nasty scientific discussion we can indulged in, a lot of single male species came in with a new found argument. They justified their singledom and inability of female appeasement to their regular bathing habits and hygiene. Hydrophobia would result in a stinking male homo sapiens, which would coz the human body to be the fort of accumulated androstadienone and thus females would stick to him.

Soon, the repercussions were seen in the Annual POTY awards (Person of the year awards). A separate category was created for "hydrophobia award" for the one who bathes the least.

POTY nite didn't spring any surprise. Geela hosted the awards nite (which is also our farewell nite). The hydrophobia award was bagged by none other than our neighbor peepu.. Yikes!!.

Moment of reckoning came when "ADAM and EVE award" for the most sticky couple was announced and the winner was again Dopey and Peepu.

Geela straightway announced, their stickiness to be the true testament for the article on women and odor.

Geela: "Dopey; sticking with peepu, the hydrophobia award winner!!! It has to be true love...

.. but, Dopey..."

with frustration and anguish in his face, he screams: " .....HOW?"

Read More

JAY 12:51 AM  3 comments

Battlehardened

This is hardcore. (Yup, not much is here for nubile minds.)

Rated - A
Theme - A hard Days Night

4:15 pm - I had put on my business casual and rushed to CR5. I took the comb in one pocket, so that I could rest the bouncing souls on my head called hair, to rest; while I walked to the CR5. If u are late u have to flush out 250 bucks.

4:30 pm- 5:30pm - the presentation by this company, which claims to be the 2nd largest FMCG in India (pre Gillete-PnG marriage) starts with the display of "uncommon sense", which is their idea of existance.
Well, one good thing they distribute After Shower Cream and a Aftershower Gel.

wierd.

Then, for an hour they go on to pitch in as to how wonderful it is to work in that organization.. I am impresssed.

5:45 pm- I rush to the computer center (I have been playing the Commodity trading game there). I see a slump in the silver and gold prices. I start buying a couple of lots. Soon, there is a news flash in Kitco.com that some funds have started buying Gold. Gold prices start to rise so wht do I do .. I take some short (sell) positions.

No prizes for guessing the bullion prices never go back .. and I start losing money. I decide to go back and sleep.

8:30 pm - I came back to room. and started reading a book "the new world of microenterprise finance". I was supposed to submit a review next morning.

10:00 pm - I couldn't resist sleep. :)

00:30 am - I woke up to reality. Start slipping the pages of the book. fast and furious.

7:00 am - I completed a review of 4000 words. Then, I started another book.

10:10 pm- I finish both the reviews. Rush to Ludo's room. wake him up. Start his comp and fire the print out. y don't they keep their system fast and running. geez. Meanwhile, far-far away from the maddening moments the class where the review was to be submitted has already started.

10:10 am - I enter the classroom with a thumping noise of hands hitting the desks and everyone staring at me.

Mr. Sriram welcomes me in the class."Did u submit both the reviews". I answer by nodding my head in affirmative. "Are u able to walk? (he he he.. my foot) If, u wanna go back and sleep, I will allow you and If u wanna stay, that is possible only in one condition - u have to promise You won't snore".

No Answers.

"I have been Nasty to you"

No Answers. (Nasty. Nasty... Hell ya!! u have been Nasty.)

**FlashBack***

The book review was allotted like a month ago. However, I realized only two days back that the book I was supposed to cover, wasn't available. I was roaming around in a corridor, where I was supposed to be interviewed for a Job that I saw the prof passing by. I informed the prof that I didn't find the particular book and instead picked another by the same author. the prof gave me a mouthful before he realized my neatly pressed suit and asked " Are you going for a job interview?" I said "yes". " Well, then go in a good mood and talk to me in the class next day."

The next day. He asked me to submit reviews on two books. Punishment for bad planning. I had only one day to go.

So I had finished 2 book reviews of 4000 words each in one night. One of the Book was about SBA Loan guarantees to the Bank credits by the federal government and the only thing it discussed was how badly run and managed the whole program was in the early 1950s.

Gladly it was the profs last class and thats my experience with one of the best prof i met was to end.

"Ok, So bye bye for now and all the best for your careers.Its time for me to gossip in our lobby with other teachers." Pause. and stare. ""what do you think only students gossip. Faculty also have their own juices to share. The crime committed on you is an organized one." Wide smile. "Good morning Jay and Bye"

11:15 am - I am back to my room. I check my mail-box and reply to some penis enlargement kit messages. Oh, when would they stop.

11:45 am - I adorn myself in business casuals again and enter the CR5 (again!!), which adorned itself for a mega cola war. Yes, this time it was Pepsico presentation.

Good thing about them, they distributed us lots of free Pepsi and Mountain dew. Bad thing, I am not very fond of Pepsi products. They made us play a game in four groups named "Pepsi, Aquafina, Tropicana, Fritolay". We were supposed to solve an operation problem for them.

The Fritolay group presented an algorithm to solve their distribution problem and walked away with the prize.

1:30pm - I finished my mountain dew and walked towards the dining hall for Lunch.

2:00 pm- I come back to room. I check the Gold prices and silver prices. They had climbed further up. more losses. I sit back and wait for the prices to go down. They didn't.

5:00pm- I come back to room dejected and open my comp to see a news in www.kitco.com

"Gold prices crash from an all time high because the funds face losses".

A bit too little too late.

Read More

JAY 12:28 PM  7 comments

The Monkey Balls

"What your monkey balls, Jay .. u have been doing?"

"Nothing much .. been bouncing and bouncing and bouncing"

I was supposed to slog hard for the work which is due this fortnight. However, I downloaded a lot of music. Checked out "Royksopp", a Scandinavian band. They are very good and just my taste like other Scandinavians. The vids are also impressive. I tricked the network block with the help of Tor and downloaded a few songs before my e-mule, limewire and torrent were tied to impotency.

Another excellent stuff, I came across was Frank Miller's"300". Hopefully, its the movie of 2007 in the making and the theatrical release would do justice to a very graphic and gruesome novel from which it is being adapted to screen. You can check out the promos. That's a completely "yo"movie with the background score by "nine inch nails". (umm.. I wanna feel u from the inside.!!!)

This is madness....
madness!!
This is "SPARTA!!!!!"

and the frame freezes into ur mind as the spartan king Leonidas throws the kick of his life.

Read More

JAY 3:15 PM  6 comments

Food for thought

My sick food has arrived and the look of it gets worse :(. Speaking of food and looking at the observation that down south Slim's uncle and cuz are also suffering from Diarrhoea/Dysentry; I was fondling with the idea that whether Diarrhoea is the gr8 Indian unification symbol apart from Cricket and Bollywood.

Talking of food, I just attended a guest lecture from a Manager in Nestle, the biggest bulliest of them all, in food globally.He threw some insights which were processed in me with the perspective of a despo blogger.

The Point is passion for food and sensitivity towards it cuts across the border but still we are a nation of variety. Thats y we see global brands cant displace local namkins( Haldiram is the lord of the rings.) Lays(Potato chips) had its ups and down ... it is the food of a global Indian who represent less than 10% of India. The pseudo intellectual and a bullcrap population. (Hey!!! the angst may arise from the fact that .. I for most part of my life belonged to something which can be characterized as a "ASPIRING TO BE" Indians.. weird? huh!).. Anyways, did the global Indian knew .. that Lays coming during the summer is of better quality than what comes in winter, which is about 30% darker.(Goddamn!! how wd I know about any Pepsi product... ask Komal, she is the quintessential Pepsi girl). They tried to grow Atlanta potato in India but they failed.

Food and health is a great misnomer in here. What u consider healthy is not the perception. Diet Coke has less than 1% market share. They tried to launch Lays with less fat (gr8 hoopla).. however it failed... (Man !!! Indians cant compromise much on taste).. Those, who were raving about the project ..all those women were ordering extra Samosa. Dude in some part of India .. we still want to see a person of "khate peete ghar ka ladka" (the guy from a well to do family) which in normal terms would mean the guy should not be lean.

Not only that, some of the food items were decreased in quality to streamline it with Indian tastes. Poor thing tho not everything goes with the food MNCs. They try to push quality and health standards. Nestle did a lot of research in Singapore to provide Indians with a non-Maida Maggi .. 'Cause mothers refused to feed kids with those maida containing Maggi. Too bad for Maggi they still don't use Coriander from england cause our coriander doesn't suffice their quality requirements.

If ur wondering what is Maggi.. Its is a packed noodle.

Noodles .. thats the essence of china.. You see while I finish this article, I have another stir in my bowel which makes me think; This diarrhea and Noodles thing can be A great Chinese Conspiracy to render Indians less efficient and non competitive. After all we are the two nations with mind boggling GDP growth figures and yeah Chinese food is something which resembles our food the most.

Read More

JAY 1:00 AM  5 comments

Jagshemash Borat

(which means How r u Borat)Borat Sagdiyev, originally Sacha Baron Cohen, is a funny character. I was introduced to this insane guy in the Da Ali G show on HBO. Then, I saw one of his movies where he mocks the British parliament. He is in news cause of the controversy surrounding his mockumentary : "Borat: cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan".

Here is an excerpts from his biography :
Borat Sagdiyev is a Kazakh reporter who was born in 1972 in Kusek, Kazakhstan. He is the son of Asimbala Sagdiyev and Boltok the Rapist, who is also his maternal grandfather. He is also the former husband of Oksana Sagdiyev, who was daughter of Mariam Tulyakbay and Boltok the Rapist. His relationship with his mother seems to be unpleasant, and Borat has commented that "she wishes she was raped by another man." Borat has a sister named Natalya, who is regarded as the 4th best prostitute in Kazakhstan, and with whom he often fornicates; a younger brother named Bilo, who is mentally retarded and must be kept locked behind a metal door or in a cage. In an interview, Borat said, "My brother Bilo has a small head but very strong arms. He have 204 teeth (193 in mouth 11 in nose)! You can do anything to him - he do not remember nothing! He is a sex crazy ... all day long he in his cage look on porno and rub rub rub!"

"......Borat's hobbies include ping pong, disco dancing, shooting dogs for fun, and taking pictures of women on the toilet....Borat claims to have the tightest anus of his village, tight enough to open a bottle of Pepsi."

"...He was sent by the Kazakh government and television network. He has also said that if his movie about the United States isn't successful, that he "will be executed".

Borat walks side by side with controversies. He himself is Jewish but he is seen as the flag bearer of anti-semitism. The tennis room chaps can recall Croat the weirdo had once nicknamed himself after Borat.

Read More

JAY 11:22 PM  12 comments

Vodka Nites..

3 bill : what's up ?
PG : Yaar, Kya boloon? (Dude, what should i say) I am always confused what to say when some one says WHASSUP.
Jay : say "nm"
PG : I usually say my silly thngs as "the sky" "the roof" etc.
Marli : or "the stars"
Chandu: "the constellation"
Marli: Like "orion"
Chandu : Orion?
Marli : Yeah a constellation
Chandu : yeah but I thought Orion is just a group of stars.
Jay : Thats what a constellation is .. ain't it?

PG: whatta intellectual discussion.

This was a week ago. We were intoxicated with the Vodka arranged by dubious means in this dry state. It was a surprise birthday treat for Tiru ... so who cares and i had Vodka after a long time.. Flipside's stupid birthday song. Cake. Dance. Jokes. Dope. grrrrrrr.

I repeated I had to send some important emails to an organization ..but they aint gonna leave me... and I sipped and sipped till I made some stupid SMS and prolly puked when i got back to my room.. I dont even remember if I did regurgitate.

So don feel like writing anymore.. just had a break from a hectic one week.. gonna sleep.

Read More

JAY 9:29 AM  12 comments

Faux News Vs Clinton.

The Clinton outburst starts of on a cautious note.. but increasingly becomes.. Funny.

High cost being in Global eye.



and as u have seen this .. look how the media wants its pound of flesh.

Read More

JAY 2:32 AM  9 comments

Laloo ji : The prince and the pauper..

11:00am .. phone call. I was asleep .. and soon classes were to follow. geez!!!! the phone.

Himanshu : aur kya bol rahen hain laloo ji.. mile ya nahin. (So, what's Laloo saying.. did u meet him or not).

and the phone calls kept pouring for the whole day. This would be the story of each student in the campus.

Laloo is such a phenomenon for media. His rustic image and his funny comments are despised by the so called elite and celebrated by others at the same moment. Whatever u say .. u just cant ignore this guy.Now, he is the Railway Minister and under him the ailing Railways have seen a turnaround in its financial fortunes. There is a case study under Prof. Raghuram on this turnaround. Laluji was called on to share his experience in managing Railways.

I had my classes and only 50 students were allowed into the class room for a healthy discussion to take place(selection: on 1st come 1st basis.) I had missed out on that. Adding to this, there was a 120 page case to be read and presented b4 the faculty and then faculty selected 4 ppts for the D day (too much pain tha yaar!!!!).

The usual story u can listen from all the places I will give some inside the class insights.

In the class room :

(The gal in there is Sachi.. and (in the right pic) there is Ashok(aka chhui mui) and Manish (aka BoBs i call him Boobs).

Lalooji was flanked by two of his Railway officers, who were to deal with technical aspects.

There were too many ppl in the class room. Prof. asked some of them to leave. When they didn't buzz. Prof. asked Lalooji "if they are among the ones who were included in the list to attend".

Laloo: aye!! chalo jao .. bola na. baad mein baat kar lena (hey! go.. i said go. get in touch later.)
some of them were top rung officials in Railways.

discussion continued, presentation, technical stuff on how the unit cost has decreased, is this a turnaround and stuff.

Most intriguing part : Prof. Raghuram's Hindi and Lalooji's interpretation of Raghuram's English.

lmao. Prof. Raghuram ain't proficient in Hindi and Laloo ji is not the most adept in English speaking.

Some Q was asked by Prof. Lalooji obv. didn't understand. He gets up to answer.
Prof R : sir, its ok you can answer from there.
Lalooji : Baith ke bhi koi padhata hai kya. yahan padhane aaye hain. (who teaches .. in standing position.I have come here to teach.)

Lalooji was tucked in those little microphone in his color. Asst: mic is fit. you can speak now.

Lalooji: but where is the mic. (gesturing by holding his hand as if he is holding those big mics on hand while his speaches.)

giggles.

Lalooji says thanks to all .. how gr8 he felt etc and finished by thanking all.

An IAS elbows him consistently (they have been slipping in notes as to what is to be said throughout his speach). Lalooji: "kya hai"

IAS: sir, u forgot the director. Lalooji: " oh haan .. thank you director sahab also"

Quote : I only patted the right people for their work and didn't interfere.

Later, in press conf. someone asked :"sir, had u not been leader what do u think u would have been"

Laloo : "kya bakwaas hai .. leader nahin hote to leader hote" ( bull crap, had i not been leader, i would have been a leader)

journalist: "sir,... but still"

Lalooji: "ye koi sawaal hai. jab main bakri charata tha to leader tha. jab main guy charata tha to leader tha. college mein leader aur ab bhi leader ... aur itne saalon ke baad poochhte ho leader nahin hota to.. Leader hota"

( is this a Q!!!!!, when i used to goad goats and cows i was a leader. I was a leader in college. I am a leader now.. and after so many years u ak me if i wasn't a leader.. I wd have been a leader"

******************************************************************
Later at nite, Dad called.

Dad: " How was your new teacher...we are looking for u in the television"
Jay: " hahahaha"

******************************************************************
here is a vid that someone captured.

Read More

JAY 11:21 AM  12 comments