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The Worst Posts

Showing posts with label reviews. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reviews. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

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I Phone: I and the Game of Phones


Reference - Page 69, A Game of thrones, A song of Ice and Fire - by R.R. Martin

Intro: 
Jay Stark has just taken the responsibilities for the Hand of the King in Westeros; which is like being Deputy to the King. A tired, irritable and hungry Jay has been summoned to attend an urgent meeting of the small council.

Littlefinger = Master of the coin = Finance Minister
Varys = Master of Whisperers = Head of Intelligence

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Jay Stark : I don’t think I should get such a costly device to communicate. This is an extravagance that the realm can ill afford.

Littlefinger : Master of the coin finds the money. The king and the Hand spend it.

Jay Stark : I will not be a party to such an extravagance.

Littlefinger : His grace thinks a royal device is what the Hand of the King should carry. Every embellishment will add to the aura, which will bring respect. Respect and authority is what you need to take the kingdom from a 5.5 growth rate to 9.

Jay Stark : Authority and respect comes from the genuine interest to do good for the Kingdom. No amount of gold, for that matter Apple products can add any luster to the personality of the Hand.

Jay Stark contemplated for a moment in his thoughts - how happy was he with his Samsung Guru when he was in the North. The Gadget was still probably the cheapest gadget in the North but communication was pure and without any guile.His expressionless face stared at Littlefinger for explanations.

Littlefinger : You would anyways need a device to communicate with the King for he rarely comes out of his harem. Apologies but we have already sinned and bought I Phone 5 for you without your permission. Please, accept this welcome Gift.

Jay Stark retorted: Why I phone 5 and not something else, what about I phone 4 or Samsung Galaxy…? I Phone 5 will cost us 20 Gold Coins more.

Littlefinger : Because I Phone 5 is sleeker, thinner and lighter.

Jay Stark : This one doesn't look thin or light.

Littlefinger : That is because we have put it in a cover that will protect the Phone. It is more delicate than a sixteen year old virgin's hymen.

Jay Stark frowned : So, remind me why did we buy this since, it is not thin anymore and I have to open the case and show it to everyone for them to realize I carry an I Phone.

Littlefinger : Our Lord is truly honorable and bereft of the intention to play in the misty maze of the Westeros. Perhaps Lord Varys can explain the technological detail as I am only the master of coin and I follow the orders.

Varys : My Lord! How it amuses me that it’s the matter of only intellect that an eunuch is called into the service for all other body parts are considered useless save his brain.

Varys flashes a cunning smile towards Littlefinger and continues - Coming back to the matter of our immediate attention – I Phone is a product which originated beyond the walls and like the whitewalkers, its life is beyond the body it is confined to."

Littlefinger : Lord Varys! Apologies for interrupting but could you speak in the language of the commons. (Eunuch! That's how I pay my debts - word for word, insult for an insult)

Varys : What I meant was, I Phone brings about a lot of interest particularly in the Ladies of the castle. This is probably an unnecessary information but even the Hound was being gazed upon by the vixens while he was carrying the device to you.

Jay Stark : That could have been of help, while I was still young and had not been to any war. But now that I am old and devoted to my Lady, who would I want to impress?

Jay Stark stared to the sky for a while and smiled at God's Irony. No young or teeny one can afford the I Phone when they need it the most and the one’s who can afford it, have no need for it. He was still shaking his head when he was interrupted by the stealth voice of Lord Varys - A man is never too old to Brandish his liking for any kitten on the block. Even the likes of you can feast on any damsel in the kingdom. But since, you are not interested the only other thing I can talk about is the magnificent environment of I Cloud, I Tunes, I Message it brings.”

Jay Stark : All these that you mentioned begin with "I" and why do I wonder that the "I" represents over indulgence in self. Do you think the Freecities in the realm and beyond, which use the Google products do not have something to Message, to listen to music and space to store?

Lord Varys : My Lord! there is a reason why one man rules over others and that is, they don’t know that everything in the rulers' disposal is only the glossed over version of everything they have. If, they knew the  holy truth they will be peers and no man accepts to be ruled by a peer. For he who was made by the Almighty suffers from Jealousy and resents to be ruled by anyone but the throne. Thus, the Rules of the Game were made and thus the game of phones had begun.

Jay Stark snatched the phone from Little finger in disgust and walked out of the iron door without saying any word. The entire council could see the half bitten apple logo signing from far away even as the Hand slowly disappeared from the vision.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

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And then there was a Google Nexus... (A socio-tech review)


Disclaimer - Those who actually believe, I will enlighten them about the features of the device.. The world is infested with better geeks!!

Nexus 7 is awesome, handy and apt - if reading was the purpose you chased before acquiring this 7 inch device. It will easily fit into your back pocket if you are Khali (read an enormous sloth in WWE) . If you are a lady and you love wearing a polka dot sleeveless dress; you would still look lovely when you have that nexus in your hand instead of your clutches. Nexus is a winner.

The comfort that the device provides has affected another ritual. I have stopped carrying the news paper to the washroom and instead the lovemaking in the bathtub is with the 7 incher!!!. (I meant the browsing on the Nexus u pervert!) Actually, water might be detrimental to its health and I trust you won’t do it unless someone asked you to do so in WHO DARES WINS. There are already two affordable dents in my tab so that’s as much I take care of it (I was not doing any drop test for the review - FYI). This brings me to another USP of Nexus, its price point. Google subsidizes the awesome device so that, it can win the bigger war of OS and applications when compared to the Apples and Microsofts of the world. Total Cost = $250 for 32 GB.

That’s about as much I can talk about the tab features, owning a Nexus is actually a lesson in philosophy and human behavior. The latest Jelly Bean OS and the Play Store are just frills.

Nexus is called nexus because it is a nexus between the Gods/Lords and certain techies in this world to spoil the likes of me further. Not that spoiling me is a gargantuan task and on a scale of toughness it will be next to adding 2 + 2 and arriving at 4. Nevertheless, among the Luxury items that I owned after becoming a Punaikar - it is the most revered one. You can read about the other two in my earlier published tomes... A) The Induction Heater and The Joy of Cooking (you can buy it from Flipkart @ 20% off) ; and B) Alto – The car and the social curse (Published in the October addition of Auto - the mag).
While the induction heater helped Jaybert rise from the dungeons in the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs; The car taught me the social relevance of an automotive at another level. “Do you have a car?” is a cruel Question and probably the only Question crueler than that is “Which car do you own?”. The quizmaster is not interested in the correct answer but with that he/she will classify you into the social strata. This is how the modern day varna system works in India. I have essentially adored my car till now. Every scratch is a proud mark presenting the triumphant return from the battlefield of Pune traffic. But the infallible has fallen and I might change the car. 

Nexus on the other hand had an opposite impact on people. I could feel with various reactions which makes me realise that I am transforming from being a not so touchable retard to an uber cool figure. I don’t hate any bit of it.

Bottomline - Don't wait for the India launch just ask one of your buddies to get it from US!

While you go and buy Nexus, I need to get my commission from Google :) 

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