Shootout At Malaka Street

The crazy crowd was scurrying for cover. There was pandemonium all over. It was something similar to what Jay had observed in English movies where a Godzilla arrives or Martians attack. But that’s a problem of North America. We, the poorer cousins in this part of the world were still being decimated by the age-old-less-interesting vices like hatred, hunger and greed. So, amidst the gunshots Jay suspected something more. The mystery didn't last long.

Smell of gunpowder had filled the restaurant. From the corner of the teakwood table; Jay could see a man in black suit with his face resting unapologetically on the Thai dish he had ordered. Blood was oozing out from his forehead to the dish making the red curry redder than blood. The lady sitting in front of him had her throat splintered by a bullet. The preliminary assessment suggested it was a terrorist attack.

Ashesh, Indra and Jay surveyed the smoky surrounding of the restaurant. There was a sea of motionless bodies with frozen eyes staring at the vacuum. None of them even had the time to wonder what went wrong in their gastronomic adventure. Remains of their yesteryear reflexes probably had saved our superheroes – but for how long, no one knew. Erstwhile superheroes Ashesh, Jay, Indra, Vaishali and Kajili along with their kids (Vritti and Adi) had gathered to celebrate Ashesh's B'day.

“Surrender yourself – This is NV. You can't defeat me this time”, Announced  a massive figure in his Devilish voice.

All of a sudden the familiarity of the voice struck our superheroes. They had known the enemy for long and defeated him in many a battle. The eight feet, four legged evil with ten hands seemed to have been brought back from oblivion. Without pondering over the how of it, they did what the situation asked for - A Counter Attack with whatever weapons the dinner table offered. Jay used the chilli sauce to blind the monster's eyes. Indra swung the sharp knife to cut NV's spreading girth. Ashesh threw a full glass of wine to counter his acid filled heart. However, these were of no use as the once familiar foe had now mutated to an entity which was unexpectedly resilient and morbidly dangerous. NV was growing in proportions minute by minute – engulfing everything around. The life size threat was around or was within, soon became difficult to judge.

Jay was shot in the arm. Indra’s ammunition of cutlery was also over. Vaishali and Kajili – with all their might were hugging the carrycot, the small comfortable abode for their little ones. Their eyes though would reveal – comfort was a distant notion. Fear rested in there. There are moments in life when even the mightiest of them all, face self doubt and despair. Moments, when hope tries to break away and self pity seems to surround you like dark clouds. However, the unsuspecting mind never thought such a moment would arrive in a pleasant evening at Malaka Street.

With no time in hand, Ashesh suggested to save the kids at least. They plotted the plan to divert the attention of the monster so that Vaishali and Kajili could make an attempt to escape. They all agreed - this time without any customary arguments.
They had to spread wide. Ashesh and Indra dived to the table on the right with a plate for a shield. By the time they lodged themselves to relative safety in the new barrack, the twosome had in their wounded hand only remains of the ceramic disc. They screamed and without wasting any time, they started to hurl whatever resources they could lay their hands on. Observing NV's momentary distraction, Jay nodded to Vaishali and Kajili. The desperate moms clutched the carrycots in their hands and sprinted towards the entrance. Once, they were a few meters away from the place, "hope" brought them to senses. With a feeble smile Kajli looked inside the carrycots and utter shock almost burst her veins. The kids weren't there. Vaishali was equally dumbfounded. Their moist eyes led them back to the battleground.

What they saw back there was an illogical turn of events. A scene which a blog like this with its limited understanding cannot justifiably describe. But we conjure up our own alternate forms of reality and thus, we exist - so I move ahead.

The smoke had settled. Vritti and Adi were smiling and playing with each other. There was no sign of NV. Our battle spent superheroes, were only staring at each other. Vaishali and Kajli hugged their kids. After spending some time to ensure themselves that Vritti and Adi were unhurt, they turned their attention towards the men. Their curiosity to know what happened overshadowed any concern for injuries that such a conflict may have left.

None of them had any answers except Jay. When the four pairs of eyes stared inquisitively towards Jay, he opened up - 

"I was hiding behind a chair. I could hear the devil's heavy steps approaching me. Everything seemed to be over. I picked up a fork and prepared myself to perish with a last hurrah.Then, I heard a little laughter and after a while, some more. The giggles were interrupted with a few "hmmms" and "uhhs". I peeped through a hole in the chair to find an astonishing scene. Vritti and Adi were in front of the monster laughing in a way as if there was a clown, jumping and dancing for their entertainment. Each laughter seemed to break into a hundred pieces and with each piece a fairy was born. The fairies seemed to absorb all the malice that NV could throw on them. Soon, the monster started to shrink and the fairies just smiled and smiled. A sudden flash of light with a loud shrill of joy filled the scene and then, they all disappeared."

The watchman flashed the torchlight inside the car and with his squint eyes tried to recognise the guests who had arrived at such an odd hour.

"Boy wonder! This is your home. Wake up and get off! unless you are planning to spend the night in the car", shouted Ashesh and shook Jay really hard.

Indra added from the back seat,"This bugger had a little too much of wine in the party!!"

Then, they all smiled and laughed a little. Jay looked at his friends and saw only goodwill and no envy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies." 

― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

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JAY 11:28 AM  2 comments

The Man Who Sold His Soul

Illustrations: From Ghost Rider (Johnny Blaze sells his soul to the Devil to cure his Dad's cancer)

Genre: Semi-Fiction (Everything is..)

Ratings: *

Warning: Leave your Sanity behind.

A couple of days back Namita (my mentor from Graphology Classes) thanked me for encouraging her to write as she started to blog again. This is her comeback show - Masala Chai..!!!

I only texted back in whatsapp – Blog brethren missed you :).

I had a wide grin on my face, a thousand times wider than the smiley that punctuated my response on whatsapp. She is part of a larger scheme of things which she will realize when it will be too late for her to dig herself out of the pit. It’s a Devil’s apprentice at work.

About a year back I met this guy who called himself  - The Devil. That very moment I realised life disappoints you in many ways. This devil wasn't how I had imagined it to be like the one I saw in Onida Ads (Neighbour's Envy, Owner's Pride). He was a smooth talking guy in suit who loved to preach. “Talking” he told me was what makes us human. [I was trying to understand him but all I could do that moment was to imagine my Babita Aunt as 20 times the human that I am. If words were actually physical objects no one will have a room to move when Babita Aunt is around. More about her later.] Throughout his lengthy monologue, all The Devil asked me to do was to make people text/blog/write. Everyone should text or write and write so much that they stop talking to each other. To end the eloquent pitch, I agreed to sell my soul to the Devil and make this a non-communicating noiseless world.

For every soul claimed, I was duly awarded – An Alto for a Car, Badminton fellow mates for this sports crazy guy, a won’t-disturb-you-while-you-sleep maid, a nexus 7 to read e-books, a won't-bother-you-after-sex for a girlfriend (too much :P.. ok, ignore the last one). A small man has small needs and even smaller desires (often even in his dreams). I may put it here lightly but once upon a time, I was a nice guy too and crossing the line wasn't easy. Initially, I had to cope up with shame and its first cousin despair. Slowly and steadily, I drowned all the feelings of malice in Scotch. It no longer kills me to take away a bit of humanity from every human’s life.

Despite history teaching us otherwise we dwell in underestimating the power of alcohol. Those who haven't tasted will never understand or agree that fine tasting single malt was all it required to convince Nehru to agree to the partition (True Story!!).

A small man has small needs and it’s the Devil who understands it!!

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JAY 12:48 AM  No comment

Worth Work-Shopping - II

As I mentioned in Worth Work-Shopping - 1, Sudha keeps throwing few random lines and we are supposed to build on it. I am putting here a couple of seeds she planted in the 2nd session and my humble responses:

1. "It was a rainy day when my parents came with a girl who was to be my sister..".

Even though moist, this sugar cube was hard to cut into three small pieces. But hunger knows no boundary. So, I have been trying to scratch on the surface for last one hour. I want to give up now for the task seems enormous but my folks tell me being an "ant" was never meant to be easy.

So, I look up to my mom for help but she is too busy feeding this newbie with small little grains. "She is not even truly red", I screamed within my head - "The one who is not blood red is not a true red ant".

How to introduce her to my friends filled my mind. All my life - The Semi Red Daunty, The Light Red - Monty, and The Shiny Red - Haunty - have bowed before me. Now, I have to call this orange head my sister !!!

"There is no justice in this world" - I thought, while I rolled my sugar cube towards DAD in the next 20 minutes. He was reading the weather report.

"Ant kingdom is warned against flooding today" - screamed the headline, my Dad was immersed into.

"Dad! I need help !!" I yelled.

"So, did I" - yelled back his DAD in his rum soaked voice - "..when I was 3, and my 4th leg was not even 0.1mm - I would still devour a whole ball of sugar on my own".

"No ant is a true ant who can't work for itself"..

2. "She woke up with a start".

She woke up with a start and a bad start it was. Alice was eating her pie under a tree, which was as huge as a ship. Black Colored pie was smeared all over her face. Yesterday, when she left her she was about 100 kgs and today she seemed to be 120 kgs (or so..). There was a small rose plant nearby her yesterday, but was gone today. What legend had to say, probably was true - Alice eats everything and every non-thing. Saunter, the bard, had once complained that Alice ate his poems. The pantheon argued for 3 centuries as to how someone can eat a poem.

She wanted to walk and see beyond the mammoth figure of Alice. But no one was allowed to pass The Gatekeeper unless they paid the price and fed her something. Alice wanted her dreams, but she was sure - not today. She had slept through the day at work looking forward to this dream and Alice will eat it up as a fee to let her cross - "Not Today", She pledged to herself.

The Fairy maiden that lived beyond Alice must be waiting for her. Last night the fairy had shown her billowing dress and shiny hair. Today, She had to meet her and ask her to come out of the dream. So, Alice can eat all her dreams - but not today. She repeated that a thousand times in her head while she looked at the ignorant face of Alice, The Gatekeeper.

[execuse for the need to edit -- with the time constraint one really doesn't get the time :P]

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JAY 1:08 AM  No comment

Blast from the Past - A Children's Day Special Story

Prologue: This year Children's Day arrived equipped with frothy enthusiasm of whatsapp. A friend passed on a message to put my children's day pic as the profile pic. I didn't have any (I do wonder if camera was invented back then.. it was a long time ago). What I had was a story to share..

Once upon a time, there was a guy called Jay and a girl called Daisy. They would spend the entire day immersed in each others eyes. Daisy would find it a tad difficult because Jay had small Chinki eyes, but Jay would dive into hers with a big splash. The splash would make those big lakes to spill over and the tiny droplets shining under the sunlight would fly away.

During one of the cold Ranchi winters, the school annual day arrived. The school seniors had to participate in the group dance event and they all used to go to Sapna Miss's house after school for the practice. Sapna Miss was a teacher in Jay’s school. She was responsible for teaching, playing with the kids, completing their home works, organizing the cultural events, sports events, and so on... No wonder, the town folks used to refer it as Sapna Miss's School and not Children’s Paradise School. Among her lesser known facts was that she was a 20 something feline and I had a secret desire to ask her to put my Tiffin box to flames with her sharp sexy eyes.

There was a small pond in front of her house. In that pond, there was a blue lotus which looked mystical amidst the red colored water surrounding it. The effervescent Wanda would cause a red tornado in the pond in excitement whenever Jay was there. Wanda was the fish that Jay talked to till Daisy arrived in the crime scene. There were too many girls inside the house and that would make Jay uncomfortable. Wanda was more hospitable and would never pinch Jay’s cheek unlike the cruel girls.

This one day, they all were practicing a group dance. Pairs of 8 boys and girls were dancing and about 30 other girls, 2 squirrels, and one little mouse were watching it. Jay was paired with Daisy :D. He was trying his best not to offend Daisy with any of his moves.

After 10 minutes into the dance, Sapna Miss screamed “Stop!!! .... Stop it everyone!!"

Sapna Miss came closer to Jay and said "Jay, what is wrong with you? Are you scared ?" Without waiting for his answer Sapna Miss continued, "Daisy! plz move away and let me show him the steps."

She dragged Daisy out and moved closer to Jay. She nodded her head and the music was restarted. Jay was speechless as usual.

Then, it happened…. Dude!!! It happened!! Sapna Miss took Jay’s arm and put it across her waist and pressed it tight.

“See... It’s not that difficult. Is it?” She said sang.

Inside Jay's stupid head, the drum beats had peaked and the music had reached a crescendo. In a flash, Jay was transported to a surreal world. Would you blame Jay for not remembering what happened next?

Epilogue: This was in Standard 3^rd or 4^th. The Dance Song we were practicing for was “Don’t touch, Touch me not.. Gagari Mohan Rasiya”.

(Daisy - if you have actually read this.. I am just kidding :P. I still don't know swimming).

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JAY 4:55 AM  No comment

Worth Work-Shopping..!!

Sudha Menon is a successful writer. She has authored the book Leading Ladies - Who Inspire India.She organized this Writing Workshop a couple of months ago in the city. I don't know how on earth I drove to that place on a Sunday morning... Anyways, yours truly was there.. 

When the session started, she asked us to write whatever comes to our mind but it should start with "I remember..". When we finished she asked us to read it. No words are enough to praise the kind of stuff some kids had written (It was like they were conveying ... "Hello! uncle you are just about 100 years late to attend this class."). Anyways, this braveheart also raised his hand and read what he had conjured up in the 10 minutes..

I remember how the last time I was in such a room full of students, I wanted to move out and have fun. How I wanted to go back and sleep in my dorm room. It seems different today. Probably, there are two reasons - one and the more obvious one is that I shelled out 1800 bucks to attend it and the other reason being may be and just may be I wanted to attend it. Yes, Its different.

What puts me to comfort is the common thread - I was and still am a Back-Bencher. 

I would like to remember more of the Back-Bencher but too bad that there aren't enough memories because most of the time I was sleeping.

Sleep - ummm.. that's a love affair I do remember. I remember how I used to have lots of time to embrace you. Everything has changed now. I don't get the time to sleep. I discuss you proudly with my friends as if she is the first beautiful girlfriend I ever had.

I think this is becoming from acceptable to weird. I probably should try and remember something else. 

I do remember something else.

I do remember when all this corporate rush started and I had first quit writing poems; then, I had quit the idea of writing a book and decided to settle for the low hanging fruit - The Blog. I do remember when the first blog I published, my close friends laughed at me. However, I continued writing. Much hasn't changed since then. They still laugh . I do remember the reason I didn't get discouraged and stop. I laughed back at them - thinking of their ignorance. 

Yes, nothing has changed much now because I still laugh at them and their ignorance. 

--------

..By the time I finished reading this, I had tears in my eyes and people were clapping.. you know the scene after the FAT LADY finishes her performance. A girl with the most beautiful pout kissed me. (Okay.. u got me .. this entire part is a lie :P).

..As they say rest is history.. for the remainder of the session I was a bit of a pain in the A@@ for the whole class...my classmates in this work shop would remember me for that.

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JAY 6:27 AM  7 comments

Pulp! Fiction: Shalom to Slam on

[watching Pulp Fiction would help you connect and puke at the farce which follows.]

Prologue

When I was packing to leave for Kolkata, the smell of Marijuana was yet to dissipate in the hut. A new day of immorality had begun while the ashes from the wrong deeds of last nite hadn't quite settled. I hopped across the ruins with my luggage in the hall. There was Mobydick lying on the floor in a pool of blood. Two immaculate signature skull signs on his face suggested, this was the work of the deadly duo Vincent Tiru Vega and Donnie Danko (Ram).

Prelude to the Battle of Musicals

All the warlords had gathered in that Delhi winter to attend STDs wedding. STD introduced us to a lot of tribes and their warriors. One of them, was his close aide and confidant, Mobydick. Pyaar se they called him Mahalingum. (Legend had Mobydick wielded his "tool" like Lord's weapon to kill giant mosquitoes. Today, folks may not appreciate the selfless work done by Mobydick, but a mythical hero of the 40s India couldn't have been different - Mobydick : the super crusader against Diarrhoea and Malaria).

The guests were treated lavishly with booze and binge at Shalom. The South Delhi lounge bar couldn't quite satisfy the herd and they decided to take the party to the underground bastion of STD. All the wild cats gathered around fire to sing, dance, booze and smoke weed.

The battle of Musicals

Mobydick had repeated for the nth time in his pumpkin intrepid English, "Guys! you don't listen to Pink Floyd!! What is wrong with ya all?." The rum soaked voice went on to ridicule our musical taste. Donnie Danko ignored him for the nth time. As his fingers slipped over the face of his new android HTC and played songs after songs, Mobydick was getting offended more and more.

Vincent Tiru Vega would often dispel the growing tension in the room by playing songs that would melt any hostility. His cheap booty-shaking Bollywood numbers would cut across even the divine differences of "the geeks" and "the freaks", "the chicks" and "the dicks", "the laid" and "yet to be laid". Hence, Vincent Vega received a meek approval from the opponents. If there was a battle of musicals to go into the annals of fable, this was one. Mobydick forcing Eddie Vedder down Medha's ears, Medha Wallace pleading Bhooke to play Eddie Vedder, Bhooke playing Wolfmother for Donnie Danko, Donnie Danko playing Iron Maiden for Vincent Vega and Vincent Vega playing Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast. It was a Mexican Standoff. 

After Eddie Vedder's song was taken to immortality by Mobydick, Medha Wallace realized, the umpteen Mojitos weren't enough to make her go through with that excruciating pain. She quietly moved out of the scene.

When I left the scene, the battlefield had three last men sitting: Donnie HTC Danko, Vincent Blackberry Vega and Moby IPhone Dick. A passing glimpse showed me a glint in Danko's eyes, smile in Vega's face and fear in Mobydicks soul. While, I was shutting the door of my room, I heard Mobydick sing "daughter". After a minute I heard, "thud! thud!". An eerie silence followed.

Epilogue
As soon as the flight landed in Kolkata, Bhooke received a twitter update on his phone, "Vincent Vega and Donnie Danko have struck again - reveals a new youtube video!"  

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JAY 9:50 AM  No comment

The Game Theory

genre: semi fiction

ratings:

disclaimer: This is hardcore and meant to seduce a gamer; for others - about a decade back two nerds gave the world something called "google".

The tension between them was palpable. Silence, prevailed for a while, before he lowered his defenses, tamed his voice, tried to stretch his lips and murmured on the phone,"Sorry yaar ! Ab bola na sorry. I had a presentation to complete last night and that's why I couldn't talk. You know recession, we just can't afford to avoid work!". He looked at The Cross hanging on the wall, constricted his eyebrows, and fluttered his lips silently as if he was trying to say ,"last lie" - and then, he winked. Ever since he has played the Age of Mythology, he thinks appeasement of God is as easy as a click on the mouse. Yesterday's aggressive Atilla the Hun - was a more submissive one today, in front of The Queen. He had always used his sweet innocent voice like those piercing arrows of a brit longbowman or chinese chunokus to pierce the fortified walls of hers.

It was not just a silence from the other end of the phone but a genuine cultural tension between M of a male kind and F of a female kind.

F on the other hand knew it was a Trojan Horse (.. not in that exact term though, yeah! she called it "fake").

"So, did you lose or win?"

"Lost.. no!... I mean in what?"

"Age Of Empire... again.. what else!!" and angrily, she tightly clutched the pen lying in front of her. She disconnected the phone and hugged the pillow instead. She always wanted her Knight in the shining armour but not literally .

"darn.. what a turn off!" he looked at the phone in surprise, "Wasn't the Paladin from the imperial age happened to be as charming as one gets!!"

Understanding Mills and Boons philosophy had always presented a great dichotomy in our population. The M of a male kind always thought dark of the "the tall, dark and handsome guy" refers to the color and hence, an Indian male fits the bill (**coughs**).

He rushed back to the mates waiting in the hall, with their eyes glued to the computer screen. An year after college, they were hanging out over a 3 day weekend at M's place.

He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Dude! you know.. women in the right side of 30 (your spouse or girlfriend) or on the wrong side of 30 (your elder sister or mother) - have never understood why a guy would ignore others for a video game or for that matter a cricket match."

He picked up his beer can and said, "Warriors!! next game - Continental against the Spanish in hardest and fast mode"

Everyone joined the rhetoric and said, "yay!!"

Post script from the friendly neighborhood:

Age of the Empire is a popular real time strategy (RTS) game published by Microsoft involving various civilizations and historical events. Well... it's bloody addictive.

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JAY 8:43 AM  3 comments

Jaybert

Jaybert is from Elbonia. Elbonia is a little known fourth world town in the communist Bengal. Elbonia has been famous only because long back a large cache of arms was dropped in its mainland to fight the mindless rule of Communists. However, all the hopes of a great renaissance died when the mighty people of Elbonia decided to use the rocket launchers to tie their cows.

Jaybert has been working in a city in the heart of the communists, disguised as a supply chain expert. Secretly, he works with the brotherhood to overturn the communists one day.

Just about two years ago, Jaybert had joined as a fresh and young graduate in an organization, and worked hard to expand the Supply Chain Operations. He expanded the operations for entire 2 years. He accumulated some net +ve accolades (summation of all the brickbats and accolades). Today, Jaybert has just executed a plan to reduce the warehouse area and make all the processes lean.

Pointy haired Boss - What next?
Jaybert - Do I go beyond and open more warehouses?

Pointy haired Boss - Please, feel free to do so as long as you don't ask for cash.
Jaybert - No Cash!!... ummm.. do I get a permission to go and try to win one of those reality TV competitions. This will get us cash, keep me busy for a few months and no one has to know.

Pointy haired Boss - What are the odds?
Jaybert - Let's say, If I compete as a transvestite with a big rack, in a show called Dancing Queen, I can at least reach the semis without a fight. The other option is to enroll into Big Boss, where the probablity to win the event is high even if someone lacks talent.
Pointy haired Boss - That's TV jazz and is risky too. I would need money to fix you to win the competition.
Jaybert - What do I do then? I don't have work. Are you gonna fire me?

Pointy haired Boss - Not really. I already got Catbert to fire your other colleagues. Who do I boss around? Besides you are too cute to let go.
Someone poking the "pitchspoon" into Jaybert's sordid posterior, by now, goes unnoticed.
Jaybert - hmm.. What should I do?
Pointy haired Boss - There is one guy eligible to ask questions here and that's not you. Besides I pay you to think.
Jaybert - I can do one thing. There were two warehouses I built last year. I can destroy them now. It will take about 6 months and then, we can rebuild it ,which will take another 6 months. So, we get busy for the entire year.

Pointy haired Boss - great! I like it.
While you do it, keep some reasons ready for justification of your actions.

(Apologies to hard core ADAM SCOTT fans, for the shortcomings in the above piece especially the lingo)

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JAY 2:55 PM  1 comment

Pornucopia.

[prologue to the great Indian erotica]

( . Inspiration is derived from - a person who mentored me to where I am today, and his dream of writing the gr8 Indian erotica.
. reminded by heather and her fellow blogger friends; however, I am delving into that non conventional and weird writing as usual.
. a semi fictional account)
______________________________________________________________________________________

nickel by nickel.. u have scratched out of my body,
I still wanna sing, as I see the chisel in ur hand..
and the horror in your pants.

She, no more asks to be taken to the same bliss, where she had lost herself in passion. All she does, is to hold him tight to her breasts and lets her finger tickle the beast who is lying there like a waste.
The owner of the humongous bestiality doesn't expect a ferocious tigress giving all her wildness to him like this, but all he thinks of is, his struggle to breath freely.
His gentle requests go unheard and he moves to break free from her "generous" arms.Thus, he lets himself live another moment.

She caresses his arms and chirps with her lips "your arms are strong, and I like that". Moments of silence follow and she yells again "your arms are strong, I like them".

"umm, uh yes! yes!.. your arms are stronger"

She watches in horror and demands "you could have said something else".

He caresses her like she is the lotus embodied in a silk-smooth alabaster skin and her legs part with the spell, that they are in.

"your legs are stronger too."

She distances herself the way the sun leaves the mountains every morning; however, her eyes are wide in shock and disgust. Suddenly, the embodiment of two lives into one was stranded before it could begun.

Jay realizes his mistake and thus his 1st erotica dies. Ok! u think it was a joke :P.

Though erroneous, bequeathed,
and surrendered to the sheath ..
but I know u r also a horned one!

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JAY 2:57 PM  10 comments

An Interview with a Vampire

(Its another long post .. But worth it ).
This happened like an year ago, but I would remember it for a long time. This was a crucial interview.

I reached there on time .. everything was set and the process started soon. I had some stupid query for which, I approached one of the administration guys and shot the Q. The tall and towering figure turned, stared at me disparagingly and answered in his Amitabh like Baritone. He was an impressive man. He dismissed my existence as silly.
Soon, the group discussion followed. I did well and it gave me the confidence for the final interview. As usual in the interview, I was the last man in.

The person who had ignored me as if I am the crap on a car bonnet, was there right in the middle of the three member panel giving me little idea of how I had underestimated him.
Those who don't have the patience, can straightway go to(click it) [ Fun with Mr. Guha]
The Questions touched some agricultural issues about which I had no idea. I candidly said I don't know the technicalities. He egged me on for guessing the answers. I accepted the challenge (who cares if I was no where near the right answer or had hit the bull's eye). After a few rounds of Qs on medicines, the discussion moved to my Hobbies.

So what else do u do?
"I write, read and play badminton" (I had practiced to fix only these three, which I can defend)

What do u write?
"I write whatever comes to my mind. Right now I am working on my biography and a story based on the unsolved Purulia Arms drop case"

hmmm, ok leave it. U play badminton.
"yes"
"Tell me Why is All England Open Badminton Championship called so..?"
"I don't exactly know y they named it so. It was a long time back."

"So, there are'nt any reasons."
"well I guess (they nodded yes, yes .. guess) It was opened to all (global) hence it was called so.. and it was touted the World Cup at that time.."
So why is it still called so
"I guess the tradition has to play a part and it stayed"

"Why our event isn't called so?"
"It cannot be called All England Badminton championship. One .. cause this is not England and two it is not open to all "
They laughed.

Ok, tell me the point system?
"Well they keep it changing. Right now it is 5 sets .. with 7 point each game."

So , Its nice.
"I don't think so sir.. The game is faster but it doesn't suit Indian shuttlers. They r slow"

OK leave it. What do u read?
"Anything, I am a voracious reader. Feed on anything I can lay my hands on"

Oh yeah!. what kind of books?
"Sir, I am not a fan of any specific genre. I pick books of different styles"

Like
"Like Historical I Picked HITLER, fiction GOD of Small things. Fiction Grisham, etc"

The Last book u read?
"Da Vinci Code"

Haah !! Crap. misleading .fodged.errr. history.
"Sir, I don't agree It was a fiction and anyways History is semi fiction. So, I enjoyed it as a good thriller set against an unconventional backdrop."

hmmmm..

Fun with Mr.Guha
Most of the talking was done by that Tall persona and a few by the person on his left. The third person was quite and watching me till..

Do u know William Dalrymple?
Ummmmm, I have heard of him but don't remember exactly. May be White Mughals??

He asked me about another Author..
Obviously, I had no idea.
Another one.. Do u know Ramchandra Guha?
"umm read of him but cannot recall any particular work from him."

U donno..?
"RamChandran , I have read his articles in Times of India"

U said Ramchandran?

"Oh! my mistake its Ramchandra"

The Q changed lips (The baritone again).
"No.. Why did u say Ramchandran? Do u think a name like Ramchandran Guha is possible.
Isnt he a Bengali.?
"yes sir his surname Guha suggests he is a Bengali"

So, why did u say so? Do u think a name like Ramchandran Guha is possible?
"Sir, yes the name seems unlikely. However, this is a strange world anyone can have any names"

They started laughing ,,... Bullcrap!!!
I interrupted their joy.

"Sir , when a guy called Baddruddin Qazi named himself Johnnie Walker .. after the bevarage brand.. anything is possible...So, its a strange world"

Mr. Goliath made a serious face and said " don't you think there is a difference between an inherited name and an adopted name?"
"Definitely there is . But there can be other possibilities"

Like?
"Like.. may be Ramchandran Guha's perents were of different community and to have a compromise they named him so .. Surname of one parent and the 1st name from the other one."

They again started laughing(goddamn how much I made them laugh )

So, what do you think? who was who?
"Sir, may be his dad was a Bengali coz he has the Bengali surname and his mother would be Tamilian (coz of the Tamilian 1st name)"
Silence .. They stared at each other for a while.

Mr. baritone stares at me and says :
"You know u have a foot in your mouth"

Man!! I was shocked and scared.

They asked a few more and then said .. You may leave now .. and do take some biscuits u have talked a lot.

The sadistic panel comprised of some of the distinguished gentlemen in Academic fraternity
Prof. Sriram (Mr. Baritone.. I faced him later in class. Never dared to talk back on him). Prof. Raghuram (the silent person) and the third was Prof. Diptesh Ghosh.
Thanks and good bye.
[Read more...]

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JAY 5:35 AM  4 comments

Kill Bill.

Rated : ***
Background Score : Nancy Sinatra and Jay (play before you read)



The shuttle was tossed up. Paro had hit her typically sharp crosscourt drop. The opponent picked it up but managed only to push it further to the midcourt.

The shuttle was high up in front of me in the mid court.

Paro (shouts): "Kill It !!"

I typically put it across another drop to an unreachable corner.

Paro (Giggles) : "Yeah, Kill it in your own way!"

Jay : ha ha ha.

Yeah So i am averse to smashing the shuttle. This was yesterday when we were playing a friendly with Paro on my side and her partner HAT on the other. They had just finished their semis.

oops!! now today I face them in the finals. Me and my partner aren't regular combination in Doubles. However, Paro and HAT are a regular combination and represented Uni also. Now Paro is so good that she plays in the men's doubles..

Grrrrr that doesn't mean if i lose i will be stigmatized for losing to her. She is damn good. Whereas her partner HAT is the most competitive guy in the whole campus. He would hate to lose to even a sparrow. Man!!! he smashes .. phewww!!!.

The match is just 1 hour away. Lets hope not too many people turn up ... well losing when ur seeded one ain't nice .. he he he.

See the Confidence ... hey!! wait... enough of .. losing right ..Gotta Kill Bill .. Revenge .. :P

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JAY 6:48 AM  17 comments

Baptism...by ire.

Its been late to put it here. The dorm naming ceremony was over like 2 months back.However, we have been joined by two exchange students Fabian and Christopher. Two days back we conducted the "Story session" (on which the dorm names are based) for the two.

This is the draft that I had prepared for this years dorm naming ceremony. We have to make certain changes for the two new exotic inhabitants of our dorm cause we don't feel we can subject them to such a rustic and sadistic pleasure of ours.

The Draft

Maxi as the God's own thundering voice :
"We residents of Dorm 17 , welcome everyone to the most coveted and respected ceremony of our Dorm. Dorm 17 over the years has seen its transition from being Swarga Satrah (the heaven seventeen) to the Dorm of Love and now to an inflection point Of being the Dorm of lust. Now, as the baton has to be passed to the new batch of 17 shockers we have gathered to bless the noobs with dorm names. Dorm names not only represent a tag but it is the identity of the ones existence and oozes property of the orgasmic pleasure that being a WIMWIAN provides to its students. Everyone has carried the Dorm Name with pride.. and hope the next batch of our warriors do the same."

"I hereby Formally announce the ceremony open."

Steps to the glory and pseudo intellectual tranquility:-

Step 1: Bows

Step 2: (Rubby exemplifies) I formally known as .......... today in this auspicious day ....announce that my name would be " " henceforth. True to the "....." tradition of the Dorm 17 takes the oath that i will carry the dorm name with pride rest of my life as a WIMWIAN.

Step 3: water to be poured on the feet (of dorm God).


Step 4: Bows in all direction to respect the presence of omnipresent Almighty.
Step 5: Proudly present (LOUDLY) ur name ot the dorm God and bow three times .

The stigma and the stigmatized were :-

Prateeek = Lotion

Siddhartha = Monty

Himanshu = Rusky

Tarun = Silo

Sourjo = Volvo

Vivek = Pyro

Apbhramaya = Auntie (now has been changed to be a less pinching name)

Garjun = Bubbles

Amit = jhalak

Jugal = Cryo

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JAY 4:34 AM  4 comments

Account No.8888

(from - a documentary in our Strategy class about Nick Leeson.)

Nick Leeson ..looks a normal guy who has the wonderful capability to charm the people surrounding him. He is a manager of a Football team, a job he has earned with so much effort.Apart from that he has a book and a royalty from a movie made on that book.
Most likely u willl find this guy delivery what is a "post dinner talk" where he explains
how he duped an age old bank to be sold for 1 pound.
Flshback ...Early 90s....
Nick was an ambitious young man when he moved from Morgan Stanley to Barings Bank ( the oldest merchant bank from England). The oldest bank had a laid back organisational structure. So, they were overly excited to bring back the glory days when Nick Leeson newly moved into thier futures business(Singapore) and showed profits.. But thier faith was toyed with:-

Nick would ask for money from the London office which was passed to him without proper investigation.Nick would say he needed the money for Clients to pay thier margin money to the exchange.He would buy futures on his own (with that money) and hide the losses in a secret account 8888. The auditors cud never detect that there existed such an account which had so much money leaked into it. Nick screwed the software/computer network so that the account was undetected. He would gamble with company's money. Once, he gambled heavily and pulled it off wiping all the previous losses. Then due to a natural calamity the market started to go southwards.. everyone was loosing money. Nick again decided to go against the tide and gamble by buying more futures... this time he asked for more than 800 million pounds. To his own surprise he managed to get it. Howver, he was unable to pull this gamble .. he figured heavy losses which he again hid in the secret account. Stress on him was increasing .. and often he would seek support from his wife, who was too happy with the amount of money that Nick would bring home.
And then he left some note and vanished ... the bell was rung by himself... but prolly it was too late .. by the time company found such heavy losses... it cudnt do anythng to bind it. The company was to be sold.
Barings had illustrious clientele like sultan of brunie.. but he cudnt be contacted on time... England govt. refused to bail it out.. and Barings was sold to ING for one pound.

Nick was sentanced 6 and half years of prison. He was let go aftr 4 yrs cause of good beahviour. He wrote a book "Rouge Trader" for which he recieved heaps of money and then it was made into a movie Nick again recieved a fortune as royalty. He is now a manager of a football club, A job he earned with hard effort cause of his credibilty issues in various attempts.

He delivers a lectures and shows and is interviewed as to HOW HE PULLED IT OFF.
His wife divorced him to marry another trader ( guess
!! she wont miss his money).

Whatta rejuvination after single handedly .. sinking a fortune.

***************************************************************************

Nick's secretary : "Nick was such awesome guy ... dynamic (giggle)... shouting sell ..sell!!!!...... we all wanted to be so famous and popular .. when Nick was caught we were like wow! Mick u made it."

The then CEO :" I donno how he did it. prolly his intentions.. he was too smart..."

Nick :" they were Stupid" (giving him millions wthout enquiring why).
"I thought i will be caught in next 2 days.. but it never happened.. and i grew in confidence".

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JAY 6:05 AM  1 comment

SWEET CAITLYN

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lovely !!! aint it ? she calls out my name... sweetest gift for a long time.

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JAY 4:10 AM  4 comments