Blast from the Past - A Children's Day Special Story

Prologue: This year Children's Day arrived equipped with frothy enthusiasm of whatsapp. A friend passed on a message to put my children's day pic as the profile pic. I didn't have any (I do wonder if camera was invented back then.. it was a long time ago). What I had was a story to share..

Once upon a time, there was a guy called Jay and a girl called Daisy. They would spend the entire day immersed in each others eyes. Daisy would find it a tad difficult because Jay had small Chinki eyes, but Jay would dive into hers with a big splash. The splash would make those big lakes to spill over and the tiny droplets shining under the sunlight would fly away.

During one of the cold Ranchi winters, the school annual day arrived. The school seniors had to participate in the group dance event and they all used to go to Sapna Miss's house after school for the practice. Sapna Miss was a teacher in Jay’s school. She was responsible for teaching, playing with the kids, completing their home works, organizing the cultural events, sports events, and so on... No wonder, the town folks used to refer it as Sapna Miss's School and not Children’s Paradise School. Among her lesser known facts was that she was a 20 something feline and I had a secret desire to ask her to put my Tiffin box to flames with her sharp sexy eyes.

There was a small pond in front of her house. In that pond, there was a blue lotus which looked mystical amidst the red colored water surrounding it. The effervescent Wanda would cause a red tornado in the pond in excitement whenever Jay was there. Wanda was the fish that Jay talked to till Daisy arrived in the crime scene. There were too many girls inside the house and that would make Jay uncomfortable. Wanda was more hospitable and would never pinch Jay’s cheek unlike the cruel girls.

This one day, they all were practicing a group dance. Pairs of 8 boys and girls were dancing and about 30 other girls, 2 squirrels, and one little mouse were watching it. Jay was paired with Daisy :D. He was trying his best not to offend Daisy with any of his moves.

After 10 minutes into the dance, Sapna Miss screamed “Stop!!! .... Stop it everyone!!"

Sapna Miss came closer to Jay and said "Jay, what is wrong with you? Are you scared ?" Without waiting for his answer Sapna Miss continued, "Daisy! plz move away and let me show him the steps."

She dragged Daisy out and moved closer to Jay. She nodded her head and the music was restarted. Jay was speechless as usual.

Then, it happened…. Dude!!! It happened!! Sapna Miss took Jay’s arm and put it across her waist and pressed it tight.

“See... It’s not that difficult. Is it?” She said sang.

Inside Jay's stupid head, the drum beats had peaked and the music had reached a crescendo. In a flash, Jay was transported to a surreal world. Would you blame Jay for not remembering what happened next?

Epilogue: This was in Standard 3^rd or 4^th. The Dance Song we were practicing for was “Don’t touch, Touch me not.. Gagari Mohan Rasiya”.

(Daisy - if you have actually read this.. I am just kidding :P. I still don't know swimming).

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JAY 4:55 AM  No comment

Goldman Se Dhobi Ghat Tak

I did come across a few I-Banker chicks. We did sleep together (in the same class.. same lecture... in adjacent but separate seats); however, the intimacy didn't precipitate their propensity to like a washer-man. In the hindsight, that may be because I am an ignorant Bastard. I think I did notice a few things though. They were suave and they won't shy away if you discussed sex positions; which was nice - they weren't the prettiest and they would wear short skirts only during placements; which wasn't so nice. They would be game for vodka shots in one of those crazy nites, which was nice; but they will remain sober; which wasn't so nice (I mean if you pay for a girl's drink, you do want her drunk.. right!). I think one of these days, there may be one of those quick off the shelf desi books, from one of those B School campuses, which may picture them in a delightful canvas. I will wait for the tomes to learn more about them.

Right Now! I need to write a letter to a friend who thinks wearing specs make you a nerd and an intellectual.

Dear Kiran,

I am one of those guys who have just burnt their money in a Theater watching your movie. This is a plea to return all the money because I have a loan to repay and I am no Pablo Escobar (the infamous gangster who burned 2 million dollars to just to keep his daughter warm in winters). Also, because I am shallow.... very shallow.

Trust me without meaning disrespect to anyone; a dhobi having a chance of some action with an IBanker chick, is very low if not impossible. I am forwarding your phone number to my Dhobi. I am sure you would be delighted to meet this hunk from Darbhanga. (Since, you believe he has a real shot at an I Banker - from now on, I will call him Goldman). Goldman bangs my door at odd hours. He assumes something called privacy doesn't exist. Like a true IBanker, Goldman is very focused. The unassuming man charges inside the home the moment we answer the doorbell, to find wherever there is a cloth. One of these days, Goldman may pull cloths off my body. I hope you won't mind all these because he means no ill will. Infact, he really is close to his customers. If we give our clothes to some other dhobi - he will crib and cry till we pull him back in the ring. He is by far the most competitive guy in Kolkata. At 55, Goldman still is a hunk. I suggest you give him a 500 bucks ka note for every delivery. This will make him search for that "khulla" tugged somewhere in his dhoti. While he struggles with the tight knot around his waist, you will have a view of his grey hair on his naked thighs. He may not be a competition to Pratiek, but surely it will tickle your libido. You may want to get your camera, click some photographs and later add to your compilation of "The Real India". I would also request you to offer him some rum instead of coffee. Oh! don't get me wrong, he needs the rum because it keeps him warm at night (there is no room heater in the garage he lives in) and helps Goldman forget all the abuses that snobbish people like me throw at him. 

Also! He charges 3 bucks per cloth that he will press. So, that's a deal! I get 4 clothes pressed free every month. I have also promised him a video ad, which will give him great publicity. I will read this blog to him. That would help him believe my story. That's also, because my friends find this blog incomprehensible - So, I guess I am desperate for some audience.

With Love,

Jay

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JAY 9:23 AM  No comment

Jayz Lounge: looney lonely music this week

This week, I have been listening to some slow stoopid romantic and lonely numbers. Snow Patrol and The Verve - Up my Charts this week. Browsing through some you tube videos, I checked out the "Chasing Cars Video" and then, kept on clicking whatever youtube suggested.

"Chasing Cars" from Snow Patrol, had become popular after it featured in Grey's Anatomy. Their best albums are Eyes Open and Final Straw.

The Verve is a lesser known band, but they had made such good music that they were hailed the best band in the world. Well... that's a bit of an over statement; but you may like "Bittersweet symphony". Too bad that band didn't survive and split soon after the successful "Urban Hymns".

I didn't wanna tell but I checked out some of New Moon: Twilight soundtrack. I downloaded Sea Wolf's Violet Hour.

You tube had this crazy comment for "Chasing Cars":

caboose176545

1 week ago 4

I listened to this the day after i broke up with the most beautiful i ever met, then when the last two lines came i started to sing, and at the last " Would you lay with and just forget the world", i whispered "would you?" and looked up and started to cry...

LMAO!.. That one is silly to put it across the web.

But Yeah! Love is a wonderful feeling and losing it is equally saddening.. Thus, I have become officially insane to write such gooey stuff and listen to such songs.

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JAY 11:32 AM  No comment

Five Finger Death Punch

Music is back to take me to haunting heights. This week, yours own shameless pirate has stumbled upon the crazy noise made by this band called "Five Finger Death Punch". Alrite! the band's name packs a punch but so does the songs in the album "War is the Answer". It has all that usual craziness - heavy metal, incomprehensible but meaningful rebellious lyrics, and there you go... Let it play and let your neighbors feel you'r neo-cool. Songs - Bayd Company and No one Gets left behind.

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JAY 11:23 AM  No comment

Californication Season 1: A Jayz Lounge Review

The Tele High this week: Californication Season l : Some folks consider it almost a pornography with some dialogs sprayed in between the scenes. But, David Duchovny makes it lively and trust me if you ignore the carnal pleasures it provides - it is gr8!. Would you be surprised, If I tell you he himself has produced it? Probably not. David's only claim to fame before this was being a shadow of Gillian Anderson in the X-files. Now, to play a lead in a series and fuck at will women half your age - who else will pay for it anyways. Having said that, let me play the Devil's advocate as well - David , as a middle aged loser does make his witty profane wisecracks sound sexy, if not a total aphrodisiac. Women in the series would probably beg to differ.

  David plays Hank Moody, a writer who had written a very successful book. Every single person on this planet is a fan of his writing. His book was made into a very successful movie. The assumption that "life is one big f@#$ing wild party" screws him and leaves him to be a junk. He looses  his beautiful girl (Karen)and his daughter (Becca). Rest of the story is how he deals with his attempts to get her back whenever he has time off from screwing every chick in LA. (lol! and he keeps saying he hates LA). The dad-daughter chemistry is gr8! and his beautiful girl is truly irresistible - and the killer for me is she goes by the name Natasha ! (Natascha McElhone - Ronnin and Truman Show).

             I would say - go for it. Its 20-25 minute straight. I finished one season in two days. It works fine for me. Because of the profane/abusive language and nude scenes in it, I would recommend only to viewers of age above 30 if you r an Indian, 40 if your a Pakistani, 20 if you are an Australian, 16 if you are an American and 12 if you are an European. With chances of it being shown on Indian Television being zilch - you won't have any choice but beg your friends like us to lend you that. That will be not legal either - but then Morally incorruptible people don't like Hank Moody's character either. Go Piracy!!!!.

             I have just downloaded the soundtrack - couple of songs are good. It includes Sea wolf's "garden yo planted", Bob Dylan's "If you see her, say Hello", and Rolling Stones "you can't always get what you want".

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JAY 1:23 AM  No comment

Top Music Sites: Jayz Lounge-rie :)

We had a plan to have brunch at Flurries this one Sunday this summer. I quashed the plans out of my laziness.The effort to dislodge yaself out of the bed on a Sunday morning is massive. There can be a lot of cliched stuff that you can do on a Summer afternoon. Every year the media showcases - what to wear in the summer time, what to drink in summer days, or where to visit.The options are all the same and retarded only by different people. None of them exciting enough. Out of boredom sinister thoughts of getting married also waved across my mind ( man!!) . Thank God! there is Music or else, I would have slit my wrists. The whole day, I spent browsing through some of the favorite sites that I resort to for music. I present to you my favorite music den:

1. You Tube: Beats the crap outta anything. Almost everything is available here. Steve Jobs would have realised it later, but google had long back started destroying its domain. It is bigger than appstore or itune store. You can find 10s of 1000s of versions of any song you can imagine. The true spirit of Open Source is exemplified here. If I create my own Jay Z version of Vande Mataram or Shakira's waka waka, it will be available for all tomorrow.

How to Download You Tube video: Go to gazzump.com, paste the link of the youtube video you want to download and enter. Wait for some time, it will ask you the format in which you want the link to be converted and downloaded. That's cool. .avi or .mp3 is much cooler than .flv that we used to get earlier.

Jayztube: I go by the name jaywalker and joined youtube back in 2006 to embed a video on  my blog. Till now, I have uploaded about 14 videos. The most popular one remains a video where a pie was smashed on Bill Gates's face.

2. Last.fm: Back when facebook, myspace and orkut had just started as the social media - last.fm also started as a cool hangout place for the music lovers. So, you can read reviews, write some, have friends with similar music tastes. Compatibility meter tells the compatibility between you and another user according to the  songs that you two listen. It has some other killer features:

The last.fm radio: It can expose you to lot of new good music. Alas! its no longer free.

Scrobbler: With the plugin the songs that you listen on your windows media player and winamp would directly be scrobbled to your profile in the last.fm.

Music Charts like Top artists, Top Songs and so on. All of which can be embedded into your blog/site.

I no longer use it a lot but once a while it is fun but if your seriously into music, this can be the place.

3. Blip.fm: I discovered it last year. Well what twitter is to facebook, blip is to last.fm in music.I have not explored it much it seems good. You can broadcast your music or listen to someone else's broadcast.

4. Rolling Stones: I am not much of reader/critic in music. However, if one place I trust and resort to read something genuine - it is rolling stones. The Top 100/ Top 10 charts are very very good.

5. Raaga.com: All the above don't give a lot of options when it comes to Hindi/Indian Music. Raaga has remained the grand old man among all the websites for Indian Music. A lot of NRIs or non indians with an itch to check out Indian music used to go to Raaga. But, with a lot music available on the net (read torrent and crap sites like muskurahat.com - hi hi) - Raaga was long forgotten. Last year, I checked it out again and found a lot of new features been added. The people behind it have kept up with the pace of changes.

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JAY 11:46 PM  No comment